Difficult conversations: how to discuss what matters most by Douglas Stone PDF

By Douglas Stone

ISBN-10: 014028852X

ISBN-13: 9780140288520

Contributors of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which introduced you the mega-bestseller attending to definite --show you the way to deal with your so much tough conversations with self assurance and talent. even if you are facing an underperforming worker, disagreeing along with your wife approximately cash or child-rearing, negotiating with a tricky consumer, or just asserting "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we strive or steer clear of tricky conversations each day. in accordance with fifteen years of analysis on the Harvard Negotiation venture, tough Conversations walks you thru a step by step confirmed method of having your hardest conversations with much less tension and extra luck. you are going to examine: tips to commence the dialog with no defensiveness why what's no longer acknowledged is as very important as what's methods of protecting and regaining your stability within the face of assaults and accusations the way to decipher the underlying constitution of each tricky dialog packed with examples from daily life, tricky Conversations may help you at the task, at domestic, or out on the planet. it's a ebook you'll flip to many times for recommendation, functional abilities, and reassurance. "Does this e-book convey on [its] promise of a great way via sticky occasions, no matter if 'with your child sitter or your greatest client'? It does."-- the hot York occasions "These proficient communicators combination a frightening array of disciplines into hugely readable and functional advice."-- Booklist "Brilliant. . . . i have already re-read such a lot of it. i am utilizing it. What extra may perhaps a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters "Emotional Intelligence utilized to life's tricky moments."-- Daniel Goleman

Amazon.com evaluate we have all been there: we all know we needs to confront a coworker, shop clerk, or good friend approximately a few particularly sticky situation--and we be aware of the come upon can be uncomfortable. So we many times mull it over until eventually we will be able to not positioned it off, after which ultimately stumble during the disagreement. Difficult Conversations, by way of Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, deals recommendation for dealing with those disagreeable exchanges in a way that accomplishes their target and diminishes the chance that any one may be needlessly damage. The authors, linked to Harvard legislation university and the Harvard venture on Negotiation, express how such dialogues truly include 3 separate parts: the "what occurred" dialog (verbalizing what we think fairly was once acknowledged and done), the "feelings" dialog (communicating and acknowledging every one party's emotional impact), and the "identity" dialog (expressing the situation's underlying own meaning). the reasons and recommended advancements are, admittedly, a bit complex. they usually definitely do not warrantly optimistic effects. but when you truthfully have an interest in raising your verbal exchange talents, this e-book will stroll you thru either error and treatments in a fashion that would enhance your self assurance whilst such unavoidable clashes come up. --Howard Rothman

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Extra info for Difficult conversations: how to discuss what matters most

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An Opera Without Music The problem with this reasoning is that it fails to take account of one simple fact: difficult conversations do not just involve feelings, they are at their very core about feelings. Feelings are not some noisy byproduct of engaging in difficult talk, they are an integral part of the conflict. Engaging in a difficult conversation without talking about feelings is like staging an opera without the music. You’ll get the plot but miss the point. In the conversation between Jack and Michael, for example, Jack never explicitly says that he feels mistreated or underappreciated, yet months later Jack can still summon his anger and resentment toward Michael.

They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values. They are not about what a contract states, they are about what a contract means. They are not about which child-rearing book is most popular, they are about which child-rearing book we should follow. They are not about what is true, they are about what is important. Let’s come back to Jack and Michael. There is no dispute about whether the graph is accurate or not. They both agree it is not. The dispute is over whether the error is worth worrying about and, if so, how to handle it.

In other words, we make them up, we invent them. But our invented stories about other people’s intentions are accurate much less often than we think. Why? Because people’s intentions, like so much else in difficult conversations, are complex. Sometimes people act with mixed intentions. Sometimes they act with no intention, or at least none related to us. And sometimes they act on good intentions that nonetheless hurt us. Because our view of others’ intentions (and their views of ours) are so important in difficult conversations, leaping to unfounded assumptions can be a disaster.

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Difficult conversations: how to discuss what matters most by Douglas Stone

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